Apparently there is an “appropriate” time, somewhere between this…
and this…
The question that many pregnant women (like myself) want to know is, when IS it appropriate to tell people you’re pregnant?
Many people, including the medical community will tell you that it’s best to wait until 10 to 12 weeks (end of first trimester), before sharing your happy news with the world.
Why? Mainly because most miscarriages occur in the first 13 weeks of pregnancy, according to the American Pregnancy Association.
So there you have it, those of us newly pregnant should mums the word for about 3 months due to the higher possibility of miscarriage.
Well, it’s good to see that we’re focusing on the positive here! (just a little sarcasm to lighten the mood)
The truth is, there is no “appropriate” time to tell people you’re pregnant, outside of confirming the pregnancy…obviously. It’s definitely a personal decision, and one that should be respected, no questions asked.
I am only about 5 weeks pregnant, and I’ve decided to tell family, friends and write about it on my blog. I am very excited and happy to be pregnant with our first child and want to share it with everyone! I am fully aware of the risks and statistics associated with an early pregnancy but what can I do about that?
Nothing.
So instead, I will put it in God’s hands, stay as positive as possible and enjoy the ride. If the worse happens, I trust my friends and family will be a helpful and comforting support network for me and my husband.
And that is our decision.
Finally, there are other reasons a couple might want to keep a new pregnancy quiet, not just for fear of loss, but due to:
- job protection
- stress management
- privacy protection
- preference
Again, it’s a personal decision with no right or wrong answer. If you are prego, enjoy it. Tell people when and how you want, but don’t let fear, statistics or worse…opinions overshadow such a special time and blessing.
Because…you know what they say about opinions, don’t you? Opinions are like bleep, everyone has one!
If you want more on this topic, check out these interesting articles:
Also, in doing some research for this article, I came across an interesting book about pregnancy and motherhood. I have not read this book, so really can’t recommend it but…I think I will be purchasing it myself…check it out if you’re interested!
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I told immediate family the day I found out, and then everyone else at 8 weeks. I think it is totally up to you!
I think it is such an individual decision…circumstances are so different from person to person and we all seem to figure out we are pregnant at different stages. I always envied those that did not realize until they were 2 or 3 months along because i knew with all 3 of mine literally the day after! Thankfully we were trying, but still to go the almost 10 months in anticipation was crazy!! LOL
Congrats!! xoxo
I tend to agree with you! I lost my second pregnancy to miscarriage, but that didn’t stop us from telling our friends and family right away when I got pregnant again soon after. Sure, I was nervous and anxious, but we wanted them to all be praying for that pregnancy.
I did wait a little bit with my first, but it had to do with my job.
I think it’s easier to tell people. I have a friend who lost her baby and hadn’t told anyone about being pregnant in the first place and then ended up telling people about the miscarriage. It’s not like it made it any easier for her.
You must be so excited! I’ll have to send you over a link for a blog that is doing a month-long thing on advice for new moms! I’m doing one of the posts, I’ll be back with the link tomorrow.
Hey Kelly,
It’s totally up to you. I have six babies and told everyone right away. I always wanted everyone to know. I didn’t want to hide something so good, but like you said everyone has the right to decide.
I had two babies at home, and everyone thought I was crazy – but I wanted to experience it. I loved it.
I truly hope you enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest. It is a wonderful time. Again, congratulations. xox YAY!!!
It’s totally up to each person. I waited until 11 weeks (after we heard the heartbeat) the first time, but mainly because we had gotten pregnant quickly (immediately) after we started trying, and wanted to enjoy and get used to it on our own. But, then we waited out of superstition the second time too!
Totally agree it is a personal decision. My husband and I decided we didn’t want to tell anyone for about three months. In part because of my age (I was 35) and the higher risk of a miscarriage, but mostly it was because we just wanted to enjoy the intimacy of it being “our little secret” for a while. One must do what feels right and then it is. Congrats Again!
Definitely different for everyone. We waited till about 6 weeks for family and 10 for friends. With the next one I might just be so excited, i’d tell everyone when we found out. With the first it was the fact that no one knew we were planning it etc. Congrats on the pregnancy!! So exciting.
Alicia from Coffee Mugs and Sippy Cups
It is a very personal decision, and while I understand the reasons behind the “12 week rule” for me, I wanted people to know earlier for a several reasons: 1) We were excited. All but one of our kids are very pleasant surprises. 2) While never experiencing debilitating morning sickness, I had other things that caused me problems early on in my pregnancies- with my girls, I had debilitating headaches, with my boys it was fatigue. So, simply put, I needed any additional help, and didn’t want people thinking I was suffering from any weird disease. 3) If something was to happen with the pregnancy, I wanted to be able to share my grief. I learned this one the hard way when we were trying for our fourth and final so I was taking pg tests early, and I caught an early positive. I planned on telling family on Mothers day of 06 which was about a week away, so I kept the secret for that week. The night before Mothers day, I lost the baby. Of course no one knew, and I felt weird saying well I was…but now I’m not. So, Casanova and I suffered alone.
All that being said, it is a very personal choice, those are just my reasons. Sorry for the long comment.
I told all my closest almost immediately (as in, I think the stick was still drying when I called my BFF). As for the general population, I waited until I was out of the 12 week mark. I did it MORE because I wanted to have time to soak it in and really enjoy being a preggo, before making it public knowledge
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I told everybody the day that I found out I was pregnant. I, too, was too excited to hold it in. We are going to start TTC in about 2 months. This time I want to wait a little while before we share the news just because I want to think of a cute way to do it. (I guess I do have 2 months to think about it before we can even start trying, but still.) I think you are right, there is no right or wrong answer.
Verrrrry interesting. I was actually just wondering about timing the other day. This is good info. Good to know
After talking with my doctor and The Husband, we decided to wait to tell most people until we heard the baby’s heartbeat. My doctor said that once you hear a strong heartbeat, odds of a miscarriage are quite slim. We told my parents almost immediately, a couple who we were in “pregnancy competition” with, and his parents shortly after. We told all our other friends and family when I was about 10 weeks and had heard the heartbeat. I didn’t tell any co-workers until my last week of work when I was 14 weeks and The Husband waited to tell his co-workers when I was about 18 weeks.
Mostly, we just didn’t want a bunch of acquaintances butting in with unsolicited advice and inappropriate questions.
I think it’s all about personal preference.
i say tell people whenever you want to! who cares? i understand the miscarriage thing, so i suppose it’s best to be SOMEWHAT cautious, but it’s your choice, really.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
I was so excited for each of my pregnancies that I told family and close friends just after the first doctors appointment!
Thanks for visiting my blog!
Thanks for sharing your personal experiences and insights! I know this is a personal and somewhat sensitive topic, and one with many factors to consider.
I appreciate your candor!
you just never know — I had a miscarriage at 5mos. but I then had 5 children! so when you tell them is really up to when you feel comfortable. don’t be superstitious, life is unpredictable.
I am so happy for you. I for one will not be keeping the secret when I become pregnant. I’m horrible at keeping secrets! LOL! At least ones like that.
By the way, I have a blog award for you! Come visit me!
I am very happy for you POM.
I started my own blog undercover, but since then I have told my mother in law and my mother about my plans university: bebe. I don’t want it to be stress full so initilly I will tell close family only and keep it undercover for a while. But knowing myself I will find it hard to contain my happiness and everyone is waiting for me to have a baby so I am sure they will be happy to hear the good news when it comes to that.
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I told family and friends right away when I was pregnant. My thought was, if something did go wrong I would want them to be able to support me through it.
The job security thing is a biggie though. I am self-employed and so waited much longer to tell clients.
By the way, congrats on the pregnancy! Woopie!
I say, stay positive and shout it from the rooftops! LOL!Please come visit my blog
I told people RIGHT AWAY! hahaha I could not hold it in even if I wanted to. I was so excited. So i agree enjoy it and bask in the glow of being pregnant. How exciting. You should start taking pics of your belly every month and posting it. That would be fun! Now go get some rest now while you still can
It absolutely is a personal decision at what point you wish to share the wonderful news with the world. When I first found out, it was my instinct to want to tell everyone because I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m used to just expressing how I’m feeling, but then we decided to wait to see the doctor because I had no idea how far along I was at all because I have PCOS and have irregular periods and along with sharing the news automatically goes along with answering questions and questions and more questions that I wanted to have the answers to. After a few days of keeping the secret between me and my husband, I then realized that I kind of “liked” our little “secret” that we could just talk and smile about amongst ourselves without any outside influences and opinions. But with that said, when I had my pregnancy dating ultrasound, it turned out I was pretty darn far along, so we didn’t have to wait long at all to tell! I was 11 weeks and 3 days at the time of my ultrasound which was only about 3 weeks of keeping the secret. And truth be told, when it came time to tell after waiting, it kind of stressed me out MORE!
The only other reason we waited was just because I wanted to avoid having to “face” the knowing pity glances from people if the baby miscarried and this is exactly why I turned down a follow up CTV News interview when they approached me last week. They interviewed me a while back about the blog etc. and wanted to do a follow up story on the pregnancy. While it is such an amazing and happy thing, I just couldn’t bare being on TELEVISION announcing the pregnancy (like it’s news-worth, right?) and then something happening, I think that would be a bit too tough to move on from. With that said, while everyone in my life knows, I still haven’t even mentioned it on facebook either. It doesn’t really make sense because I’m so open about it otherwise, but for some reason I haven’t!
Ok, this turned into a novel, sorry! :-S
It is SUCH a personal choice when you decide to share you are PG. Miscarriages are painful and difficult, so I can understand wanting to be protective of possible pain. At the same time, it can be helpful to have friends to support you during a loss. So I guess I can see benefits of both sides.
Personally, I know it will be REALLY difficult to keep it to myself when/if I get pregnant!
Congrats on your pregnancy!!!
We were TTC with Monkey for 3 years so when we found out we were preggo, I told a few people right away and then we waited until my 6 week check up to tell our family.
With Mouse, she was a bit of a surprise, but we still waited until about 6 weeks to tell everyone.
It is totally a personal decision, but no matter when you tell people they should embrace it rather than question why you told people.
I am one of those mothers who just couldn’t keep her mouth shut. I told basically everyone as soon as we got our BFP for both kids.
But it really should come down to whatever you are comfortable with.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! So excited to hear you’re expecting. I tried to post this a few days ago but my comp. and comments were being annoying.
I think you can tell at ANY point! With Jacob, my whole entire family was waiting to follow me to my brothers surprise birthday party. Since they didn’t know where he lived they all drove behind me and followed. I told them I had to run to the drug store to pick up my birth control refill and just to make sure did a routine pregnancy test. It was positive – completely unplanned. After they waited for me for ages I came out and I guess my face gave it away. They all found out the moment I did.
So…with Riley I kept it a secret as long as I could till the point I was almost starting to show. By then people had their suspicions. My little news all to myself
My brother and his wife had a miscarriage. They waited till the baby was 4 months to tell people then she had her ultrasound and told her it probably didn’t live past one month after conception considering it’s size so she went on drugs to help ‘pass’ the baby. So it really doesn’t always work to wait. People will eventually find out.
Totally a personal decision. We lost our first two to very early miscarriages and therefore wanted to wait. I know I’ve made the mistake of saying congratulations or asking about how it’s going when I’ve heard someone is pregnant only to find out that they’re not anymore and that’s hard all around. One of my friends told early as her theory was she’d want everyone to know she lost the baby b/c she’d want their support. We kept it quiet only telling immediately family about the miscarriages at the time and eventually talking to some friends later. I felt like everyone would be looking at me to know if I was pregnant again (well, it felt like they were anyway!) and just didn’t want to involve everyone in that. But my brother and sister in law have discussed their fertlity problems openly with the whole family. It’s all just what you’re comfortable with.
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Congrats on your pregnancy! I think it is definitely a personal decision. I’ve always shared the news immediately because I can’t keep a secret, especially such a happy one!
To each their own. Even after my miscarriage I still plan to tell people when I am pg. I believe that is a joyus thing that should be shared. Even when I suffered my m/c I was happy to have people be understanding when I was sad..or disappeared for a while. it was nice to have the support. But most of all…beyond that…you want people to celebrate with you! Plus for me I enjoy wine too much…there is NO WAY that I could get through 12 weeks w/out people wondering why I didn’t drink..lol…I don’t think I’d even make it 3 weeks! haha
I agree , its totally an individual choice .. and Congratulations to u .. i am sure the right attitude makes all the diff and you’ll sail through your pregnancy …bless u
I waited for my first, third and fourth pregnancies to tell people, and I lost all of them. For my second, and now my fifth, I told people as soon as I could. (I like to tell people in person, and our family lives far away.) I like having people around me that care and will be there for me if something does happen. Going through 3 miscarriages with just your spouse is hard, especially when you are so excited about being pregnant in the first place, and then no one knows why you are sad and why you are so unattached to everything.
Congratulations! Tell whenever you want! And enjoy every minute of your pregancy!
I told people at 7 weeks, I found out myself at about 6 weeks and hubby and i told my parents that same night. Then we waited for dr appt & confirmation and told my family, and within 24 hours eeryone in the universe knew thanks to the marvels of instant messaging et cetera combined with my rather large family. hahaha.
However, if i get preggers again i might wait longer. i was fortunate to not have a miscarriage but i have a few friends that did, and the reason to wait is for your own sake if that happens… months after having a miscarriage, having a friend who is a little out of the loop come up to you or post on your facebook, “So how far along are you now?” in a well-meaning fashion can be crushing.
Congratulations! I found out at 4 weeks and told immediate family right away. I told my employer a little later down the road. I think it’s a personal choice.
My administrative assistant kept it hidden until she was almost 6 months along! She didn’t want the attention, so she wore huge sweaters…lol